Updated: Jun 16, 2020
I went on my first diet when I was 12. I can remember where I was and how I felt even to this day having been told by my mother that she thought I was getting a bit fat and had I thought about losing some weight. She of course had absolutely no idea of the huge and shocking impact that sentence was to have on the rest of my life and my relationship with food! She meant no harm but the damage had been done.
I car crashed my way through my teens and twenties over eating, under eating ( starving myself all day and only eating in the evening) eventually becoming bulimic; being “Good” with food, being “Bad” with food but it was always food, food, food that controlled my feelings- Happy if I was feeling thin and unhappy if I was feeling fat- A terrible cross to bare considering we need food to survive.
When I discovered EXERCISE my obsession with food and the control it had over me lessened to such a degree that I became happier in my own skin and I realised that I had been suffering hugely from depression up until that point in my life.
So .. SAUSAGE ROLLS? Why am I afraid of them? It’s terribly difficult to put into words but they represent in my mind the “old days” BE ( before exercise) I suppose it’s a little bit like an alcoholic with alcohol. You know that reaction when you smell something and it brings back bad memories or you don’t eat a food ever again because it once made you sick- it’s not “just”sausage rolls but they represent a reminder of the over eating.
Don’t get me wrong.. I enjoy food that is NOT good for me but I take a measured approach- am more cautious and try to eat as healthily as I can- Sausage rolls pose a threat- a warning.. I will never be completely free of the hold that food has over my mind.. it is something that I have learnt to live with.. I guess we all have a cross to bear - an Achilles heel? This is mine.... I was ashamed of my past history with food particularly the Bulimia but this has become less so as the years have passed and will continue to do so. I hope this helps anyone reading this who is struggling as I did to know that there is a way forward and that life can change for the better, that you can enjoy food, take the good and the bad with ease but you must trust in that and it will become the truth. Your way forward could be something as simple as exercise?